There was me, Biker Bobby.
The oldest of three boys, I was always interested in food and motorized things. From a young age, I knew I wanted to be a chef. When I was four, my brother Daniel was born. I was so happy—until he started to get older and became better at everything, from cooking to schoolwork, than I was. He was also much better looking than me and had a knack for anything he put his mind to. Our mother always favored him and took him everywhere with her. I was like the Cinderella of Princeton.
The oldest of three boys, I was always interested in food and motorized things. From a young age, I knew I wanted to be a chef. When I was four, my brother Daniel was born. I was so happy—until he started to get older and became better at everything, from cooking to schoolwork, than I was. He was also much better looking than me and had a knack for anything he put his mind to. Our mother always favored him and took him everywhere with her. I was like the Cinderella of Princeton.
I was always busy trying to outwit the little shit. I’d been concocting recipes from the age of five, but Mama would never let me use the kitchen for fear I’d burn the house down. But I loved cooking with fire, so I’d use my magnifying glass to cook ants and road kill. That was how I realized I could cook using things other than stoves and ovens.
When I was ten, I met Tony and my life changed. He and I bonded and we also got into a lot of trouble when we were making a wild rabbit rotisserie on my dirt bike. (We inadvertently set fire to his house. It burnt down and after that we were banned from cooking outdoors.) His parents decided they couldn’t handle him so they left him my Mama’s care. Now I had an ally to help me get even with my brother Dan!
I attended the Culinary Institute, but I got thrown out after four days and got a job as a short order cook. I worked for three years in and out of restaurants while Danny was studying cooking concepts in Italy. In every letter he told us he wanted to come home and that he couldn’t be without us, but when he returned and we started working together it was disastrous from the get-go. Wherever we worked I’d manage to get us fired.
Tony was also living with us and soon he became my personal culinary assistant. Soon the old rivalry between Dan and I started all over again when we got jobs at the three most prestigious restaurants in our area (Tony and I screwed up every one of them).
Finally one day I realized that I was a better cook than Danny and I always had been—I was just different! With Tony’s help I challenged Danny to a cook-off. It was an outdoor event and I had a secret weapon in store: a motorcycle that had a built-in grill and chili cooker. Last, but not least (and this will blow your mind) what do all heterosexual men love more than anything (after a dripping, rare steak)? The answer is strippers. That’s right—I had a nine-foot stripper pole custom built on the back of my bike.
Well, the rest is history. Naturally, Danny lost at the cook-off and he realized we should have joined forces long ago... the three of us to take on the chefs of the world! We’ll use this motorcycle as a tool to take on any chef to cook our family recipes, and while we cook our beautiful biker bobby girls will be swinging ‘round the pole.